When freedom is utopian
by camelandlama
Summary: College is over, and career is taking over. Will some time off from the FBI to find an old acquaintance and solve another dangerous case will bring an happy ending in Veronica's life? I DO NOT OWN VERONICA MARS AND ANY OTHER CHARACTERS OF THE SHOW
1. Introduction

INTRODUCTION

Neptune, sunny Neptune. A dreamy land of sea and sun, an enchanted land where to raise kids and build a happily ever after.

That was Neptune when I grew up, a town of hopes, a town of friendship, promises and marshmallows. But Lilly died. And nothing never been the same. The difference between the 09's and the non-09's, the have and the not-have, servicing them like never before, has just been growing. Crime rate has been sky-rocketing, and a feeling of segregation spread across the lower class, planting the seeds of angriness deeply in their hearts and minds.

Vinnie Van Lowe, our dear and doll PI, full of promises, strong of my father's association to my night visit to the Kane's House, took over the sheriff's position. Full of promises, but lacking of talent and judgment to fulfill them, his reign over the city's law force has been disastrous. His lack of managerial skills even made it worst, the whole deputies going their own way and while gaining independence, also gaining a lack of motivation and guidance. The town was left to a disconnected unit of law officers, who, without being dismantled, was acting in an unorganized and an inefficient way that would be as good as if it was inexistent.

Saying that we were happy of this situation would be a lie. Yes, we did have more clients, because of the inefficiency of the legal and public law services, but this situation had been hurting our town. Hurting us.

My father's reputation has been badly hurt by my investigations, and since then, I have been keeping on the low with my P.I. work. Business suffered during the first year, but incompetency, without bringing esteem and respect back, brought an ever-flowing number of clients to our door. Husbands and wives do not stop cheating with the rise of violence, and I think that is one thing we can be sure of human nature: trust and faithful commitment to each other is another utopia of human mind.

It has been 3 years. 3 long years since that day Logan gave Gory the lesson he deserved, that he defended me, shining and standing on his white-horse, being as knightly as he always been. A knight in a shinning armor. A psychopath with bare hands to make justice. Choose your version. My heart prefers the first one, my head the second. 3 years since my father lost the sheriff election. 3 years of decline in the sunny and dreamy land of Neptune, who has never been as much as a Sin City then ever. Which also means 1 year since my graduation, since OUR graduation. Who would have guessed that we would all make it alive that far in life, eh?

Wallace, shining star of the basketball team, finally graduated in mechanical engineering, but his experience in Africa opened him to the world. He opened his heart to the poorest, to those people with a heart bigger than life and a stomach as empty as their pockets. He was now working for the UN as an engineer project manager, going abroad as often as he could on the field, trying to build and repair the few infrastructure and devices they had over there.

Mac, whose true informatics genius never stopped amazing me, caught the eye of major industries players, but Jake Kane made an offer she couldn't refuse. Cracking his codes impressed him, but surely made him feel threaten by her intelligence and skills. And keeping my friends close to him by a legal agreement restraining them to provide me any information relative to his company and activities was also motivating him somewhere, somehow.

Parker, also moved on and made her way in public relations. Her ever-nice, cheerful and easy-going nature helped her to make her way, her sociability and willingness to say "yes" to life bringing her to the top of her game. She never quite forgives me to be the one Logan loved, and being still roommate with Mac was making things somehow difficult some days. She could open me widely her door, as well as welcoming me like a stranger. I still remember that first day that I met her, with her poster of Colin Farrell. She loved them dark, handsome, with those sad eyes full of misery and strength. She liked them tortured… she liked them like Logan. I should have known better back then that Neptune is too small for not sharing love.

After beating up Piz and Gory, Logan decided to be forgotten by moving to the East Coast. Dick and he still travel around the world, best buddies for life, chasing the best waves, defying them to keep themselves alive. I never had the chance to spoke to him after that day. He just flew away, his eyes still burning my eyes, my mind and my heart, making me shiver, making me feel alive. When I went to his hotel, a few days later, the reception told me he just left, leaving a note to pack up things. Movers came at one point to pick them up, to send them to him, and by tracking them I discovered he was in New York. I was quite surprised by that. There were no waves over there. But hearing about Dick and him just going around the world to ride them was comforting me, knowing that one way or another, he was getting his fix of waves, of surf serenity.

I read in the tabloids that he was actually dating some kind of young and pretty actress, or heiress nowadays. He was always surrounded by amazingly good looking blond goddesses. Being now a successful writer, his life couldn't be more glamorous, unless he decided to start acting… But anything far away from his father was what he was looking for.

As of me, well…me… I have been dating Piz for the last 3 years. I have affection for him, and even if he knows that my heart belongs to someone else, once he was gone, he never lost hope that one day my heart will belong to him. He loves me deeply, I know it, and he will never hurt me. His internship in New York turned out well. He is now the rising star of a Los Angeles affiliated station, and we are smoothly leaving our college years behind us to become real adults. Well, if that is possible with his emo character, Zac Effron boyish look and hopeful and naïve mind. It still impress me how naïve and positive he can be, compared to me!

But every time I hear Logan's name, my eyes keep looking for HIM, and I can see a little piece of Piz dying every single time. My affection for Piz is undoubtedly, and I feel a warm tenderness growing in me each time he wakes me up with a breakfast already on the table, when he opens me the door, gives me his jacket in cold temperature, hold my hand, kiss me on the forehead. But he is no Logan.

Looking at the time board, I stop reminding myself of how far we have come from in the last 3 years. It is no time to be lost in regrets or in sad thoughts. Action is the word. Action is the goal. In 1 hour, I will be boarding. In 1 hour, I'll have to go find the last person I was expecting to go find. In 1 hour, I will be in New York. With a target. And a big one.


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: Why him? Why now?

3 days before. 4h00 pm. Jake Kane's house.

A short, tiny blonde woman knocks at the massive entrance door. Consumed by anxiety and curiosity, she keeps fidgeting, waiting for the door to open. A tall and threatening man opens, staring at her like she was some harmful and annoying bug.

-"Hey isn't it my favorite BFF? Sincerely Clarence, we should call each other more often, you know, catching up, eating some ice cream while chatting of boys, doing our nails, watching some comforting chick flick to forget about our harassing days of work…"

-"Miss Mars. Miss Kane is waiting for you in the living room"

-"Comon' Clary, don't be so professional… it's been so long! Don't you just want to give me a huge hug to make up for all this lost time???"

By the dark and gloomy look he gave her, she hesitated between laughing and really being scared. They never liked each other, and she was maybe, MAYBE, pushing it a little bit. Silently, she followed him in the living room.

There she was. Tall, lean, posh, cold and perfect, as usual. Sitting on a French canapé in all her gracefulness. She was looking at her, evaluating her enemy. All smiles, Veronica crashed herself in the least graceful movement she could do, returning her look with a defying and joyful one.

-"Celeste! I practically missed you as much as Clarence. I mean, I know we all have busy schedules, but its no excuse to…"

-"Don't even bother playing it quirky with me Veronica. You are here with a reason, and let's keep it this way."

-"You are breaking my heart Celeste. I mean, really."

-"I wish it could be possible", she answered with a little sufficient smile. But the smile didn't last. "A tea"?

-"Unless you provide drug tests with every sip of that beverage, I highly doubt I'll join you. I'd rather dry myself to death" candidly answered Veronica.

-"Insinuating that I poisoned a drink I will myself take is quite pointless, Miss Mars."

-"Well, you know, cobras are immunized to their own venom. So why am I here, unless your tea is that exceptional that you wanted to share it with me?"

Slowly bringing down her cup, gently posing it on the table, Celeste gave a frozen and unemotional look to Veronica. Veronica started shivering. Was it Duncan? Did anything happen to him, wherever he was?!?!?! Locking her eyes to Celeste's ones, she was waiting impatiently now.

-"My husband is missing. And you will find him."

-"I beg your pardon???" was the only answer Veronica could get out of her mouth, completely astonished.

-"My husband is missing. He took $100,000 out of one of our bank accounts, reserved a ticket to NYC and disappeared since. It was 2 weeks ago. I hired the best P.I. Don't think you are the first one I contacted. I do it as a last resort and with disgust to be brought to that end", ends it up with a sigh.

-"I haven't heard the news I wanted to get. If he flew away with a mistress, I want to know. If he killed himself, I want to know. If he is with your mother, I want to know it. I want you to find him and tell me where he is. I will take care of the rest. All expenses will be reimbursed and you will get a $50,000 bonus when you will find him. Your flight is in 3 days for New York, to track him down, hotel reserved as well."

-"And what makes you think I will accept", with her eyebrows slightly frown answered Veronica.

-"You need money, as your family always did. But you mainly took away my daughter and my son. You destroyed my family. You and that whore, who is apparently acting as your mother. Therefore, try to have a minimum of common sense, and don't make me more angry at you and your family than I already am. Work for me, or I'll make your life, your DAD's life a living hell again." She was so calm that it was scary.

Veronica was breathless. She knew deep down that she wasn't the source of all of her misfortunes, but she always been feeling guilty for her mom's behavior. And she did help Duncan to runaway. But keeping her responsible was nonsense, and she didn't have to work for her out of guilt.

-"Celeste, I am highly sorry…"

-"I don't care for what you have to say sincerely. Take the job. Here's the information I have. You are flying in 3 days and don't come back until you have the answer I am looking for".

On these words, Celeste Kane majestically stood up, walking away with all the glacial grace she always had, proud and strong, looking unaware of any trouble in her life, acting as the ice queen she always been.

Sitting alone in that big and empty house, shivering at the breeze caressing her skin, hearing the whispers of Lilly's chasing her; she finally stood up and walked away from this broken home.


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter 2:

Big Apple, Big surprises

Finally in my room. Call it a sign or destiny or not, but my new case is again about a Kane. Find the murderer of Lily Kane. Invest on Jake Kane's possible fathering link. Find Duncan Kane. Help Duncan Kane to escape. Invest on the Kane's Castle secret society. And now, find Jake Kane. Is there anybody else than my life than the Kane family???

Taking a hot shower to wash off all of the flight memories, I find myself thinking of Logan again. Hotel rooms and hotel suites will never be the same, even after all those years, our laughs and fights resonating in my ears on every walls of the rooms I have been visiting.

I haven't been to NY since my graduation. I never visited Piz while he was doing is internship in NYC. I was too busy with my FBI internship myself. After graduating of Hearst, I got the offer to work for them in Washington, but I asked to stay in San Diego offices, so I could stay close to my father and keep helping him from time to time. But the main reason was that East Coast was way too close to Logan. Shaking my head to chase every memory that could lead me to him, I got out of the shower. My phone was flashing. A message from Piz. He didn't quite appreciate that I left so quickly, with few explanations, especially for NY. But he knew me. Saying anything was a waste of his time, and of my time.

Thank god to Celeste Kane and the Kane's family friends, I got easily off of my FBI duties for a few days in order to find the missing Jake Kane. I was excused more easily from my work than from my boyfriend.

Opening the envelop that was given to me by Clarence, I took a look again at the information I had. Mr. Kane reserved with his American Express card a flight to NY and a night at the Warldorf Astoria Hotel on 5th Avenue. The day after, he went to the bank and transferred $100,000 to the bank account of a certain Troy Brentwood, from NYC. He took the plane the third day, arrived at the hotel, and never came back home.

It was later discovered that the $100,000 had been withdrawn of Mr. Troy Brentwood's bank account, a man that apparently disappeared at the same time than the money. But the camera tapes showed a man looking a lot like Mr. Kane leaving the bank with a suitcase containing the money. The tapes from both of the bank and the hotel showed a Jake Kane lookalike and Jake Kane getting out of the buildings with the similar suitcase.

Tickets were purchased under the name of Troy Brentwood and Jake Kane for London and Dubai, but the passengers never made it. A tape also showed Jack Kane getting into Grand Central station, buying some tickets. The issue? Clever Jake bought 5 train tickets for 5 destinations, all leaving the same day. And apparently, ALL of them had been used. Jack was as clever as he always been.

I was still surprised that Clarence Wiedman had no information or idea about the whereabouts of his boss. To come to that extent, either Jkek was abdicating from Neptune and his life over there, or he was in troubles that even Clarence couldn't fix… if that does exist….

Celeste and Clarence were definitely conscious of the limits of an open door to the Kane's kingdom when it was coming to me. I had limited access to Jake computer files, as well of his relations and schedules. Alarming his acquaintances was the last thing they wished to do.

Dressing a list of his enemies was also a job in itself. He was a powerful man with many friends, and he could have attracted jealousy, envy and frustration from way too many people. I sat down on the floor, surrounded by files and papers, trying to think. Think Veronica. There must be something in there. Something nobody have seen. Something, someone, somewhere to start digging.


	4. Chapter 3

Chapter 3:

Playboy on the go

Celeste was pensively staring at the clear sky through her patio door, arms crossed tightly over her chest. She didn't hear him coming behind her.

-"She has arrived. You are sure you want to trust her to find him back?...."

-"If I had any other choice, I would take somebody else Clarence."

Her eyes were empty. He couldn't tell if she was sad, angry or even desperate. He never was able to tell. She was even more closed than him.

-"Keeping secrets from me, I am used to it. But if he didn't involve you, it means he won't let you find him. And he knows you well enough to find a way that you will never find him.'

She turned slowly to him, a weak smile distorting her lips.

-"As much as I dislike it, she is our last resort. Whatever she founds, it's always better than not knowing."

And she walked away.

_xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx_

His body was firm and fit, still tanned from his last surfing trip. With his wet brown hair, quirky smile, and the water from the shower running on his muscled body, he was just an invitation to sin. Wrapping around his hips a towel, he smoothly made his way to the bed, jumping on it to join her.

-"So"….

-"So what?"

-"Well, I was thinking that we could probably just decide that dressing up and getting out is pointless, and that we should maybe stay in bed all day…". His fingers running on her skin, softly and gently reminding her of all the pleasures he could provide were themselves convincing. With a sigh, she detached her body from his sensual contact.

-"Logan, I have a photo shoot in 2 hours. I better get dress or I will loose it. You can not make Patrick Demarchelier wait. You just can't. And my agency is already mad at me for being always late recently."

Walking away from him as fast as she could, rolling her hips in a feline grace, she was going in the bathroom. Logan knew that she didn't had his freedom when it was concerning work hours, and blaming this society for slaving gorgeous women into schedules that were not pleasing him, he bounced out of the bed and grabbed her as she was getting in the shower.

-"2 hours still? Let's make the best out of them…."

_Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx_

The couple, strolling down Soho streets, was a picture perfect of the American Dream. Tall and handsome, they were irradiating success, power and money. They were on their way to the photo studio, enjoying the frisky breeze, hand in hand.

A few pedestrians were stopping by, trying to catch a glimpse of their happiness with their mobile phones cameras. They were making their way through them, so used to it that they didn't bothered anymore.

Kissing her goodbye at the entrance of the studio, they split and Logan walked on his way back. _Back to what?_ Logan was asking himself.

New York did treat him well. There were no waves, not as much sun, but since he inherited the whole fortune of his dad, he could escape anytime to go wherever he wanted. He started with books under a pseudonym, and being quickly recognized, he decided to unveil his real identity. His books had even more success afterwards. He knew it was because of his name. Logan Echolls, son of Aaron Echolls, fallen star of a Holllywood murderer. Some days it was bothering him, others he didn't cared at all.

But happiness never had been a part of his life. Well it HAD been… but it was a long time ago, and SHE had her own life now. Like she would care about him. She was a P.I. If she wanted to see him, she would find him.

Feeling his mood getting darker, he shook his head, hoping to chase the ideas that were making him loose his smile. Hopping on a taxi, he gave his address. 500, 5th avenue. An Echolls never lives anywhere else than in the better neighborhoods. Lost in his thoughts, he was looking at the buildings flying through the window, being reduced to simple cement towers, losing their identity and individuality as he was getting closer to his penthouse.

Stopped at a red light, Logan was letting his eyes desire the gorgeous creatures that would walk close to his sight, waiving at the ones with the most… potential. Daniella was a sweet creature, but not enough to keep Logan Echolls attached. All smile and feeling his joyful self back, he gave a last glance at the street while the engine was starting again. And then he saw her. Petite, blonde, pesky… looking practically lost and harmless in this big city.

She turned her head in his direction. Their eyes connected while the taxi was driving away…

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Veronica was maybe clueless and feeling drawn by the possibilities with no answer to keep her head out of the water, but she wasn't giving up.

She was looking at the surveillance pictures for hours when she finally saw something on Jake Kane hand, on the train station ones. Scribbling? Scanning the picture, she focused it until it was big enough to be read by a human being. Rotate it. Clean it, Focus again. Clean it… et voilà! It wasn't as clean as she would have hoped so, but it was good enough: 315W54S. A code? Nobody would write on their hands a code. And Jake Kane was far from stupid. What would somebody scribble on their hands? A code, which as been ruled out, a phone number, a PIN code… or an address? Being in NYC, it must have meant 315 west 54th Street.

Jumping on her feet, grabbing her coat and her bag, she left her room in a hurry. She had no clue what she would find over there, but she was sure that it would always be better than elaborating scenarios in an hotel bedroom.

For once, there were no taxis in front of the Waldorf. Impatiently, Veronica decided to walk and catch one on the way. She needed to get in action, to start thinking. What could she find over there? Unless the holy saint spirit would lead her way, she was totally in the blue. Trying to sort her ideas, she was blindly walking straight, not sensible to the crowd surrounding her, when she felt it. It was warm. She felt wrapped into this warm regard, feeling of possessiveness, of belonging. Turning her head towards the street, her eyes connected to his eyes while the taxi brought him away…


	5. Chapter 4

Hi, just some quick reminders:

I do not owned Veronica Mars or any of its characters, which are the property of Rob Thomas genius mind.

This is my first fanfiction, so please forgive me for beginner's mistakes!

English IS NOT my first language. I know my writing is definitely not perfect in terms of grammar, spelling, etc., but I still want to post this fanfic because I need to get it out of my head.

Thank you for your comprehension!

Chapter 4:

Uncle Vanya

Still breathless, Veronica was following the yellow cab with her eyes. Afraid of dreaming as well as meeting Logan, she practically threw herself in front a free taxi.

-"315 West, 54th Street, please".

She was trying to focus her mind on the address and the discovery she maybe about to make, but she seemed to have lost all P.I. analytical mind. NYC was way too big to have met him. It must have been somebody else. Her mind was tricking her into what she wanted, and not reality.

The taxi was slowing down and finally stopped in front of a little restaurant/shop. Stepping outside of the cab, Veronica was looking suspiciously at the front window of the location. The name of the place was Uncle Vanya, and it seemed to be an eastern European or Russian restaurant. It seemed quite simple, with a wood frame, wood walls and a Russian old-fashioned kitchen feel to it.

Getting in, Veronica was welcomed by a warm smile of a dark and handsome young man. All dressed in black, he seemed even taller and leaner than he probably was. His dark features as well as his tanned skin, with eyes reflecting deep tortured thoughts, he was as mysterious as any ex-KGB agent.

_Am I playing the card of asking directly the questions, or am I playing the charming idiot?_ Veronica was not sure about the strategy to adopt. He was inspiring trust, but specifically that was what was worrying her. He was the kind of man to listen, but not spill the secrets.

_I got to play it safe._ Being too intrusive would definitely shut down any doors that could be open. But the idiot would be a mistake as well.

-"Hi!"

- "Hello Miss. How can I help you today?"

-"Well, I just heard about this place and I was curious, so I just came on the spot."

-"You heard about this place? Where did you hear about it? And mostly, PLEASE, tell me you heard about it in a GOOD way!"

She could not resist smiling.

-"Well, it's a friend of my father. They were just talking about his recent trip to NYC and he mentioned this little place, saying it was worth to just pass by if I had the chance."

-"Well then, thank him for us, and remind him next time that he comes that I will surely offer him a shot of vodka for bringing me such a beautiful girl in my domain."

Blushing naturally, even if it was cliché, Veronica decided to do her move.

-"Well maybe that will help you to remind yourself to offer him that drink! Here's a picture of him…. Aaahhh, good old days! Maybe you remember him? He was around about 2 weeks ago…"

All smiles, the young man took a look at the picture, taking the chance to move his body closer to Veronica. Suddenly, he became a marble statue: cold and stiff.

-"I see. That was a great pleasure to meet you Miss?..."

-"Goodwill. Mandy Goodwill"

-"Miss Goodwill. But I don't remember this man coming around. Maybe you mistook the restaurants. It is not the only Russian restaurant in New York. I wish you good luck in finding it. I must go back to my kitchen."

And he left quickly, eyebrows frowned.

Veronica wasn't sure if she had to be worried or curious, but she knew that something was definitely wrong. She was about to turn around and get out of the restaurant because of the bad feeling that was invading her, when she saw it. It was hanging in the entrance door, in the middle of other pictures. They were there, arms around each others neck, in a fraternal, familiar pose. Gory. His father. His uncle. And the owner.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Logan got out of the taxi as quick as he could, screaming at him to stop, dropping a few bills and trying to open his door without getting killed. He ran to the intersection where he saw her, spinning around himself, trying to see over the heads a petite blonde. She could not have gone too far. And he was right. It was her. It was HER. It couldn't be anybody else. He knew it.

Either she walked away really fast, or she took a taxi. Either way, if she was over here, there were some chances that she would have a hotel around. Picking up his cell phone, he called his lawyer.

-"Hi Ken".

-"Good afternoon Mr. Echolls. What can I do for you today?"

-"I need to find somebody. Call a P.I., whoever, I don't care. I want you to find a reservation under the name of Veronica Mars in New York."

-"Anything less specific?"

-"Hum, let's find a reservation under that name in the whole state, would you? I saw her on Park Avenue, around the 51st street, so let's focus on this neighborhood. Call me as soon as you have any news."

-"Of course Mr. Echolls. Always at your service…"

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Back to her hotel room, Veronica's fingers were burning the computer keyboard. She was shaken by her discovery. What would Jake Kane do in a family business of the Sorokin? _I know he is linked through the Castle with them, but he disappearing after going to one of their place is only an open door to bad news…._

Veronica's research was not vain. She quickly unveiled the identity of "Uncle Vanya". Uncle Vanya, actually Vanya Sorokin, was the uncle of Gory's father, who raised him after the disappearance of his father. He seemed to always had follow his nephew wherever he went, and was always beneficing of a mansion or house entirely paid by Mr. Sorokin. He had been living steadily in Rhode Island for a few years, and was taking care of charities for young eastern European coming to USA. Uncle Vanya's restaurant was actually owned by his illegitimate son, whom he had with a Russian ballet dancer. He was a well respected man in its community, frequently seen in the gottha column, always surrounded by beautiful women and powerful politicians.

She even found a picture of Jake Kane and him in the New Yorker's archives. It was a few years ago, and Jake Kane was smiling, a cigar in its hand, like if life was a paradise. Written in small characters, the legend was praising the collaboration of the both men on a charity trust fund for eastern European students coming to Hearst University.

Veronica bites her lips. She knew she had to investigate deeper in that foundation and the relations between Jake and the Sorokin, but she knew how dangerous it could be for her and anybody close to her. She also knew that getting information would be hard and even harder. But she also knew that if they did something to Jake, they could also attack Celeste or Duncan. If they feared they also knew something_. I can't let this happen._ _Maybe I dislike Celeste, but Duncan and Lilly always been good to me. I got to do it for them. _

She was arguing with herself on what to do and where to start when she heard a knock on the door.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

He stopped breathing when she opened the door.

It didn't take long before he got the call from his lawyer, telling him that Veronica had a room at the Waldorf Astoria. _Strange. Its definitely not her usual style. _While he was getting up with the elevator, he felt his body becoming tenser as the floors where left behind. Was it its way to heaven or to even more hell, he wasn't sure. Was she there for him or for another of her god damn case? His palms were becoming sweaty, and he felt the need to push his sleeves up his arms, dry his palms on his jeans, and brush his hair with his hand. Saying that he was nervous was an understatement.

_Ding_. He was on her floor.

Taking a deep breath, he looked at the door. It took him time to know on the door. He was trying to hear through the walls. Was she with somebody? Was she simply there?

_Toc Toc_

No way back. There she was, in front of him, as beautiful as she always has been, looking about to faint…

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

-"What are you doing here?"

-"Hum, considering that I am the one living in New York, maybe it would be more appropriate to ask YOU the question Veronica. But how about saying hello and how are you doing?

-"Hello, how are you doing and how in hell did you find me?"

-Well, Hello you too Veronica. I am doing fine, well was doing fine, until I saw you on the other side of the street. I then found myself mesmerized by your presence and called a few P.I. to find out where you were staying. And considering the warmth welcome you just gave me, you didn't come only to share with me all the moments we have missed in each other's life."

Veronica was feeling bad. She was overjoyed when she saw him at first, her body instantly relaxing at his smell and his proximity. But then again, she came back on her guards and she was astonished to see him there, terrified also, not knowing what to do or what to say.

-"Well I thought about it on the way over here, and then I told myself I just had to buy People Magazine or US Weekly and they would fill me in on all the details I missed Logan"

-"Aaaahhhh, gossip magazines. They should pay me for the work I am giving to them! "How the great Logan Echolls made it to number one again?, "Logan Echolls, building on his horrific past", "Logan Echolls, bachelor of the year", "Logan Echolls tries new sexual prowess on"….

-"ok, I got the concept, you like the spotlight".

-"What do you want me to say? I was raised by Aaron Echolls, the fallen Hollywood star!"

-"Well he was your father, but being raised by him is pushing it a little bit".

-"You're right, let's avoid discussing my dear father's parental skills and is genetic heritage. I have to keep some of this bullshit for Barbara Walters. People never get sick of it… So… can I come in or should I call myself the security to let them know that I plan to rent the specific space in between the corridor and your room for a while?"

Opening widely her door, she invited him by a gesture to come in.

Getting in the room, it didn't take long to Logan to realize that she did definitely not come for him. There were papers everywhere, her computer, pictures…

-"A case? I thought you worked for San Diego FBI's office, not NYC!"

-"Private case Logan. Have some days off from the services, so I took it to help my dad." She was picking up all the papers and pictures, closing her labtop before he would sneak too much in them and discover the specific reason of her presence, her "target".

-"Wow, that's what I call taking some days off!"

-"So, why are you here Logan?" Her eyes were distrustful as she was taking a deeper look at him. He was looking even better than before. He was wearing jeans with a plum shirt, which was softening his features. His hair were still bleached from a surf trip, his skin slightly tanned, his lips as inviting as before, his whole body tensed towards her… Looking at him was just reminding her how much she missed him and how much she wanted him. She felt herself blushing, but kept her eyes locked to his.

-"Because. Because I saw you. Because I hoped you came to see me, to talk to me. Because I listen to my instincts, not to my head. But as I can see, it was a waste of time to think that you even bothered about my presence in New York. Would you even have called if I wouldn't have come?".

He sounded furious. His jaw was crisped. His eyes were on fire, of angriness and of... desire? She turned her head on the side, biting her lips, trying to stay strong. Of course she wouldn't have called him, or go to his penthouse. She still remembered the Alterna-Prom, when she went to his hotel, when she knocked on his door, ready to share her feelings with him… until Kendall showed up. She knew he was no saint, and taking a chance to hear the voice of a woman over his phone line, or a woman answering his door would have killed her.

-"I don't think so Logan. You… me… it's all so far behind. I wouldn't have dared coming as an intruder in your new life…

-An intruder? An INTRUDER? What are you sincerely trying to say Veronica? That nothing counted in between us, that you are trying to forget everything?????" By this time, he was screaming, back on his feet, walking around the room.

-"Logan, that is not what I said…"

-"So what DID you say? I mean, why in hell am I bothering? Why the hell am I still doing over here? You threw me out of your life like if I was some kind of undesirable residue of your past life, you threw me out and never cared about it, you just got to your little quiet, stable and predicable life with Piz… I thought you understood how much I cared about you, I thought you cared as much…"

He was now facing the window. She was only able to see his back. She was wondering if she should tell him that she went to the hotel after Gory's beat up, that she wanted him back, that she wanted "US" back. Being next to him, seeing his anger and his vulnerability was hurting her, was killing her actually.

_I should tell him how I feel, I should tell him how much I missed him, how much I love him, how much I can't stand the idea of being more than a few meters away from him, more than a few minutes without him. I am weak. He makes me feel weak, because I know with him I don't need to be strong.. he is strong for both of house._

Shaking her head vigorously, she tries to chase the tears in her eyes, to modulate her voice as emotionless as she can. _Think about Duncan's father. You need to find him. And for that, you'll have to deal with the Sorokin. Logan go out the first time when he left. But if I ever meet Gory again during my investigation… and if he ever remembers Logan and what he promised to do to him… No Veronica. You got Logan out of your life a long time ago, and it was for the best. For him._

-"The past is the past Logan. You should go".


	6. Chapter 5

Chapter 5:

Jack, my eternal flame

Logan was drunk. Badly drunk. He wasn't sure how many drinks he took in the last few hours. But his bottle of Jack was definitely doing wonders to him.

When Veronica told him to go, cold as ice, his heart fell into pieces. _Why did I still have hope? I know her better. She would cut all of her fingers before telling me that she loves me, or that I mean something to her. _

He took another long sip of whisky. He didn't stay long after she pronounced her last words…. He stared at her, trying to find something in her eyes. But she was unreadable. She was closed to him, her eyes empty of any emotions. He knew her better than that. He knew she was doing that to protect herself from any pain, from any involvement. But he would not force her into expressing her emotions, or only feeling emotions. He was tired of that game, tired of fighting for an epic love story where he was the one constantly bleeding his heart out of it.

He went to his window, taking another long sip, taking a look at New York. So close and so far away…

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Veronica was sitting on her bed, looking absently at the window. Thinking about what she said. Or maybe what she hasn't said, to be more specific. Thinking about what she's done.

_I know I hurt him. Why do I always do that? I did hurt me in the past, he broke my heart with Madison, and then Parker… but did I have any right to act so childishly, refusing to communicate after so many years? After so many years of dating Piz but thinking about him, of kissing Piz but tasting his mouth every single time… _

Closing her eyes, she let a tear run down her cheek….

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-"Yes. A petite blonde. Clear blue eyes. She had a picture of Jake Kane. No, not Veronica Mars… Goodwill, Mandy Goodwill, that's how she called herself. She said he was a friend of the family. No clue where she is staying, she said she was on holidays… Yes, if she ever comes back I will let you know."

Nikolai frowned, seriously bothered. He had called his father as soon as the petite blonde got out of his restaurant. Everybody knew around here that no question should ever be asked inside of Uncle Vanya's restaurant. And her intrusion in his quiet existence didn't please him at all. She seemed quite nice, but appearances are always misleading. He knew what is family was able to, and keeping on the low with his little business was his way to disapprove it.

Taping on his bar with his long fingers, he was contemplating the pictures of his family. If something would happen to them, he would definitely fight for them and save them. He remembered the man. Late 40's, tall, charming, but troubled and agitated. He had seen him with his father on many reception pictures, but never asked who he was specifically. That day… that day when he came… he probably never seen his father that angry, spitting insults against the newcomer, his eyes bursting out of his orbits, a vein palpitating on his neck, his face as red as blood…

He had learned not to listen to the conversations, but by the look of his father, he was afraid. Afraid for him, but also for the poor man who just looked petrified. He had forgotten about that episode, like many others that happened in his little shop, preferring to keep a quiet life than fighting for desperate causes.

He took a glass of whisky. He didn't mind drinking something else, even though everybody seemed to think that Russian only drink vodka. Jack was his friend, as much as Wybrowka, Smirnoff, Absolute, Grey Goose, Belvédère…. Sometimes, whatever type of alcohol was better than no alcohol.

Her eyes were haunting him. When he left her to go to the kitchen, he thought his day would pass by quickly, forgetting about her like all the other ones. But there was something in her eyes… it wasn't purity, but it seems they had something that was inexistent in his world… a desire to do good. An absence of self-interest. She wasn't afraid because she knew she was doing the _right thing_, whatever it was.

Looking at his glass, he was surprised. Surprised that it was empty. Surprised because he was caring for a girl he only met for a few minutes. Because he knew that if she would still dig, she would probably get hurt. Vanya and the Sorokin were not people who would let intruders learn their secrets, their business. Or investigate on them.

He took another glass of Jack Daniel's, letting the whisky burn his throat, clean his mind. Even when he was closing his eyes she would still be there, her bright blue eyes questioning him. He didn't knew what happened to the man she was looking for, but he could at least try to help her, tell her to stay away, look for her.

_How did Vanya call her again? Veronica Mars?_

Grabbing his coat and his phone, closing his shop, he left his kitchen to try, for once, to fight for what he thought would be right, whatever his family would say…

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Veronica was looking down at her glass of whisky. She wasn't the kind to drink. She never really liked it that much. She saw her mom way too many times drunk to really enjoy it.

She took a sip of it. It burned down her throat. She was still thinking of Logan. Damn him. Damn him for making her forget everything else when he was around.

Her phone rang. Looking at it, she sighed. _Piz. Great._

-"Heya. How are you doing?"

-"Hey!!! I should be the one asking you that, you haven't called since you left! Is everything ok?"

-"Yeah, sure, its just going… slower than I thought, that's all."

-"Look, you know you can come back anytime, I mean, work is work, you know that, right?"

-"Sure Piz… So what have you been up to?"

His voice was like a buzzing background. It was just noise. She wasn't really listening to him anymore. She took another sip, asking herself why she was still with him_. Comfort. Predictability_. But now, after she saw Logan, after she heard him, after she felt him… she just couldn't care anymore. She knew he would never be the one. And going on with this lie was only going to hurt him even more than she already did.

-"Babe, are you listening to me?"

-"what… what? I'm sorry, I was distracted"

-"So I was telling I could fly by… I talked to my boss and he told me he could give me a few days off, so I could come to New York and help you. What do you think about it?"

-"That's… That's… "

She was breathing heavily, trying to decide between her head and her heart. Piz was a good guy, who could always give her the stability and the admiration that she deserved.

-"That's… not going to happen Piz?

-"Why Veronica? You are afraid I can't deal with it? It's been 3 years for god sakes, you should know I can protect you, and take care of you, and…"

-"Stop Piz. It's over. I'm… I'm sorry. You are a great guy.."

-"The hell is that???? Is that a bad joke or what?"

-"Look Piz, I just think.."

-"You just think? Why did you go to NYC Veronica? For real. It was to go back to him, right? Have you been lying all this time to me? Did you always planned to go see him, to find your god damn epic love?????"

-"No Piz, I never came to see Logan. Even when I saw him, I mean he's the one who came to my door and…"

-"Really? He is the one who came? So you never planned on seeing him? Whatever Veronica. I am tired. Tired of you not being able to know what you want. I gave you everything, but I was never the one. Why? Because I am not a jackass, because I am a good guy. Go chase your dream and your ghosts, but you and me, its over. And when he is going to break you, like he always did, don't come back to me."

The sound of Piz hanging up on her was practically a relief. A relief for 3 years of listening to her head. 3 years of restraining her heart to talk, to speak up, to scream his need for Logan to be his only owner.

Looking at her glass, she downed all the whisky that was remaining in it. Not to drawn her sorrow, but to celebrate. To celebrate a new life, to celebrate her time for happiness, for freedom.

Her cellphone ringing again, she didn't even bothered looking at it and answered.

-"Look Piz, you are right…"

-"Hum, Miss Mars. What a pleasure to finally speak to you."

Her old body, even with the alcohol, cooled down automatically, shivering of fear. The voice was not known of her, but the accent, the _Russian_ accent, wasn't announcing anything good…


	7. Chapter 6

Chapter 6:

The return of the prodigal son

When Daniella came back from her photo shoot to Logan's apartment, she was surprisingly welcomed by an overjoyed Logan. She wasn't used to see him that demonstrative, and by the empty bottles on the table, she suspected that it wasn't out of joy of seeing her back home. She had learned a long time ago not to ask too many questions, his mood swings being legendary.

Going to the bathroom to clean her face from all the products that she had to wear all day, she felt his arms wrapping around her, his lips gently and softly touching the crease of her neck, his nose caressing her neck in a slow and languorous movement. She could smell the alcohol from his breath; she could already distinguish his slow drunk movements, a little bit clumsy, from his usual skillful mastery.

-"Let's go out babe…"

-"Go out? You seem to already have had plenty of fun over here today, Logan…"

-"Common, music, dance floor, drinks… let's just go change our minds, like before… I miss our night adventures…"

Biting her lips, Daniella look up in the mirror, trying to read his eyes. They were like a closed book, as usual, but she could see something that she wasn't use to... pain? Sadness? She knew she wouldn't refuse anything to him, but she also knew that going out and drinking even more wasn't at all a good idea.

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-"We know who you are, we know where you're from, we know all people that you care about. Stop your investigations. It's our last advice. If not, you'll see what little snarky girls get when they put their pretty little nose in somebody else business."

That's was it. She didn't have time to say anything. She couldn't say anything anyways. It was short and direct. She remembered Gory. Gory and his menaces. Gory and his killer looks. Gory and his revelations about his family. She knew that the person who was speaking to her, whoever it was, was serious.

_Why in hell Jake Kane did get involve with the Sorokin? Couldn't he just run away with a mistress, or because of a financial crime? Why did he have to be involved in one of the most dangerous family in the US? I know the Castle is an important network, but they are supposed to be protected by a pledge, no?_

She looked at the picture of Jake Kane, smiling with his wife and children. Happy times were really far far away. Softly caressing the picture an the smile of Lily, she then looked at the surveillance pictures from the bank and Grand Central Station, scrutinizing the face of Jake Kane, with his alarmed eyes, anxiety and tiredness engraving his expression. Duncan would look like him one day. She just hoped he wouldn't have so much to carry on his shoulders.

Jumping on her feet, she went to the bathroom, taking a long and warm shower.

_You don't have to do this. Just call Clarence Weidman and tell him what you know, that Jake Kane got into some trouble with the Sorokin, and leave him take care of this. He is way much more in position to negotiate than you, especially that he has access to the Castle information and contacts, while you don't and never will after what I did back in college…._

_But, in another way, how can I be sure Clarence can find him? I mean, they would not have contacted me if they wouldn't have tried every single avenue._

Getting out of the shower, she wiped the steam from the mirror, starring at her own reflection.

_Comon' Veronica, you are not a college student anymore. You are a FBI agent from the Los Angeles area, specialized in behavioral science, you investigated for years without backup from your dad, you unveiled Aaron Echolls and Beaver as murderers, Mercer as the rapist… You can deal with finding Jake Kane, aren't you?_

She was maybe sounding convincing, but her eyes were betraying her. She was afraid. Deeply afraid.

_What did they mean by they know all the people I care about? Who did they plan to hurt? Her father, her friends… Logan?_

Throwing herself in her bed, Veronica cried. Cried of indecision on what to do. Cried of not being strong enough to protect the ones she loved.

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The phone rang. Picking up, with surprise, the receptor didn't even reach his ear when he heard the man.

-"You know that in the absence of M. Kane you must protect the secrets of the Castle. Don't forget about it."

The line cut. Rarely expressing any feelings, Clarence Weidman couldn't hide his concern. How did they know that M. Kane was absent? And why would they give him such a call? Did Veronica Mars find something linking the disappearance of Jake Kane to the Castle?

Not being a man of ideas but a man of action, Clarence Weidman picked up the phone.

-"Veronica, this is Clarence Weidman."

Trying to contain her sobbing, Veronica cooled down quickly to return to a business mode attitude.

-"Yes, Clarence? Are you already missing me?"

-'You know I wouldn't call unless there would be a reason. What have you found out about the Castle?"

She felt her heart stopping.

-"How do you know I found something about the Castle?"

-"You better don't ask. What have you found?"

-"Not much. I know M. Kane went to a restaurant owned by Nikolai Sorokin, named "Uncle Vanya". He had the address scribbled on his hand. But when I went there, the owner acted strangely but didn't confirm if M. Kane came to the restaurant."

She wasn't sure she should tell him about the exact family links of the owner to the Russian mob, neither if she should tell him about the call she received a few hours before.

-"Is there anything else?" She was maybe going totally nuts, but she heard some… concern in his voice?

-"Nn..no. Everything is under control. I'll keep investigating. I have a few calls to make and then I'll inform you."

Clarence Weidman looked at his computer screen, his fingers running on the keyboard.

-"Well, your call Ms. Mars. But inform me quickly please. And try to be careful. Catching you in Neptune before you go too far was a specialty of mine, but now that you are in New York, it is a little bit more difficult."

-"Sure Clary. I'll call you as soon as I have new gossips to share with you!"

She hangs up, trying to use her careless voice, but she knew that something was wrong, and that if she was going to dig more, it would only get worst.

Picking up her cell, she dialed quickly, even though it was already late at night.

-"Hey, it's me. I need a big to ask you for a big favor…"

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Logan was not drunk anymore. He was wasted. Daniella was sincerely annoyed by his behavior. What could have made him go crazy like that? I mean, she hasn't been able to count all the drinks he took in the club, without even mentioning the one she had home all day. He was in a gloomy mood, and the "going out" evening, with music, dance and alcohol quickly became an alcohol only night. He was so plastered that he couldn't even walked straight, but he was refusing her help.

-"Ok, that's it Logan, I am going home. And you are coming with me…"

-"Hum, missy is bossy tonight. Maybe you should keep this inspirational saying in mind "Mix a little foolishness with your serious plans. It is lovely to be silly at the right moment. Horace""

-"well, this is definitely not the right moment. Logan, please, let's go home."

-"You are definitely no fun tonight, my dearly beloved doll. I thought you would appreciate something crazier, more… unpredictable!"

And by saying that, a bottle of vodka still in his hand, he jumped on one of the pouch, and started dancing, screaming at Daniella over the loud music: "Comon, the night is only going to be over when I won't stand anymore…" And while saying that, his feet slipped on the pouch, and he fell heavily on the couch behind him, his bottle of vodka falling on the carpet and spilling its contents on the floor and on the proximal patrons.

Getting back on his feet precociously, Logan, brushed his suit, turning around to apologize to the other clients, but his mouth could only remain open, no sound being able to get out because of surprise.

-"Well isn't it my least favorite human being from Hearst. As I can see, you are even more of human rubbish than what I previously thought. I could practically pity you, but I think we still have some… business to take care of, and only after that, if something remains of you after that, I could pity you…"

Gory Sorokin, with an evil grin, was there as another reminder of its past and of Veronica.


End file.
